proposal

soooo feb 5th thru feb 8th

michael and i will be in dayton. geoff of course will be there. and to my knowledge so will j-huizle.

i propose that anyone else left in the country that can make it come as well

i am present

this is just to say I do have access to this creative writing utensil. I am listed as "bigtruckdriva" in memory of sharon woods and its molestation of women.

I'll write in a bit. I'm busy. I am also in Ohio for the next few days. holla.

Dolce and Gabana

I came to an earthshattering realization today. My roommate and I are named David and Garrett, D&G, yeah Dolce and Gabana. I am contemplating having all of my students call me professor Dolce. I also excitedly explained the D&G thing to several people, showed them the famous ad created by Ravi, Markus, and I and then made Garrrett pose for one with me. Its well done, suffice it to say that I'm showing Garrett his reflection in a hand mirror, among other things.

Ali, with all of your tidbits about life you make me feel like a slacker PCV

Tyler, Ive been waiting for the picture you sent to download for almost an hour

SteveO, well done but how do I know you didnt look that up

Michael, are we talking red ass monkeys, I saw one walking around the street the other day like a dog

Geoff, youre the last one still in college

Ravi, the above story is mainly aimed at you I hope you take great pleasure in it

Matt, RAGE

Jordan, sorry I dont have more details about day to day life, I refer you to davidkingsblog.blogspot.com

Jessie, is Jessie on this blog
What about Patrick

My mom thought I was really into pewter for a while

All you attendees of Shakamak 3, Ukraine has what we were looking for. There is a single word that means “drinking-horn.” This word is “ріг” which can be roughly transliterated as “rih.” Unfortunately, I have not seen one of these or had reason to use this word. There’s another word, though, самагон (samahone), meaning “moonshine,” which is surprisingly useful. Many families make their own hard liquor, but probably just because it’s something they like doing and not because it’s that much cheaper. Well, I suppose it could be cheaper, but it’s hard to beat $3 a handle. (The low price is a combination of the saturated market and the falling value of the hyrvinia, colloquially called “greev.” When I got here, the exchange rate was about 5 greevs to 1 dollar. Today I saw that dollars are being purchased for 8.6 greevs. Yo my yo, inflatsia.)

In response to Ravi’s query: olives may be added to the list of vanquished foods. I got in the habit of eating an olive after taking a shot and now I like them.

Two similarly stupid things I’ve done in Ukraine: I put a glass jar of honey in my soft-sided suitcase for my flight from New York to Kyiv. I don’t know why I did this, but of course it broke and covered everything in the duffle bag, making all my clothes and my boots very sticky. That was eleven weeks ago. Last week I put a hard-boiled egg in my pocket—you can probably see where this is going—in excitement or frustration, I clapped my arms against my sides. As it turns out, the egg was only soft-boiled, so now my sweater has a very eggy pocket that will stay that way until I find the time to wash it by hand as I do all my clothes.

As a small gift, our technical instructor, basically the person who taught us how to become English teachers in Ukraine, Olena, gave us a list that she herself had compiled of 88 Ukrainian and Russian swear words/words about sex, which happens to be the same, секс. This list makes me feel like English might really need to step it up. For instance, three different words are translated as “fucking good” or “very fucking good.” Russian has captured these emotions and slightly nuanced variations with simply one word each. I am sure there are subtleties that cannot be translated. Just like German has so many words about consciousness and thought that don’t translated into English, so is Russian with curses. Something to strive for. The words: мастурбувати – (mahstoorboovaty) to masturbate, бльін – (blene) pancake, literally, but it’s used like “fudge” because, блядь – (blaht) means bitch, Закрій єбало – (zuhkree yebahlo) shut the fuck up, and finally, my absolute favorite, пиздец – (pizzdets) translated as “a cunty situation.”

Finally, in case you are looking for some new music to listen to or are concerned that the children of Ukriane might not be getting a clear picture of the ever-changing American music scene, I have this paragraph from their textbook as evidence to the contrary:

“Among the most famous American singers and bands we can find: Miles Davis, the Doors, Bob Dylan, the Everly Brothers, the Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Holly, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Janis Joplin, Jerry Lee Lewis, Madonna, Bob Marley, Elvis Presley, Prince, R.E.M., Tom Waits, Stevie Wonder, Will Smith, Enrique Iglesias, Barbara Streizand, Red Hot Chilly Peppers, Nirvana, Ricky Martin, Kiss, Motor Head, Savage Garden, Sheryl Crow, Tina Turner, Tony Braxton, Tori Amos, Britney Spears, Eminem, Mariah Carey, No Doubt, Backstreet Boys, Metallica, etc.”

Finally, I can't keep up with this blog. You are all too clever and post too frequently for me. Don't change.

Your moment of zen:

Happy Horidays

Only one shopping week left until Christmas, and (C)Hannukah begins Sunday at sundown. I hope that you all enjoy your holiday season and that none of you are ronery, so ronery (especially if you are the smartest, most crever, most phyicarry fit. If these apply to you, I hope that there is somebody to rearize it). Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I have applied my holiday desktop, and would like to share it while there's still time.

A bit of a throwback

Ok, I have just spent about half an hour getting caught up on the house board and I appologize for elongated absense. I hope that this finds you all happy and healthy wherever you may be.

To my friends abroad; I hope that your respective foreign cuntries [sic] don't kill you (since they can do that) and that you find fullfillment and self-worth in what you do. Stay safe and I actually would be interested in some of the day-to-day details of "the life" what's the diet like? what are the social stigmas that you have screwed up? etc.

To my full-time office/lab/cubicle working friends; I hope that you are happy in what you are doing, and if you cant be happy, I hope that you are at least contented. Get some hobbies, I find that that helps.

Anywho, I guess Im writing for a couple different reasons that I thought of so I will continue to type and see where my fingers take me.

a. What are you all in the ohio area doing for New Year's? I have heard a couple different really good raging possibilities such as Cleveland or Chicago. Let's see if we can work something out that could be dangerously fun.

b. Ravi, we need to hang out again soon.

c. Steve-O ...... actually I just talked to you, so I got nothing....

d. Mike, can you steal me a monkey? or at least let me borrow one? I think that would be a fun experiment...

e. Geoff, thanks for being sweet and not rubbing it in

f. Matt, hope Africa is going well, have you been pirating these ships? if so, dont die

g. Dave, I hope your bowels have recovered and your not throwing up out your rectum any longer

h. Tyler, you havent called for that alfredo recipe in a while, are you ok?

i. Story time - so this past weekend I was visiting Lauren at UD and went up Saturday afternoon to be there in time for some dinner (nothing too exciting) and to being the boozing. She lives at 1522 Frericks right across from the castle which was having a classy Chistmas party (interesting that they are still allowed to call it that even though we played beer pong and took shots, maybe my definition of 'classy' has morphed a bit)(we were and are classy) that evening. So Lauren and I got ready and dressed up and all that and began drinking around 7 or 8pm. I continued to drink with a boyfriend of one of her roommates while the girls finished getting ready so I was maybe three or four beers deep when we went across the street.
So we got into this party and te placed was respectfully packed with dressed up folks with wrapping paper covering the walls, Christmas lights hung up, the works and we make our way to the bar to get a drink (not a real bar, not THAT cool, actually the kitchen where the counters were covered with bottles) and I made myself a drink and took a shot with a guy I knew... Then we played some beer pong... then another drink from the kitchen/bar... then a cup from one of those classic college tub o' death drinks and I was done. The rest of the night was very in and out, I remember some bu not all. Lauren was pretty hammerfaced as well so she wasnt really good at recounting my evening for me, but as much as I can tell, I didnt make an ass out of myself, except when I got back to Lauren's and proceeded to thrash her kitchen, yell at her roommate and the best part; thow up on my poop. Yeah that's right, I've always wondered what you would do if you were pooping and had to vomit, if you could have enough will power to stop one or the other urges. Turns out, you dont have to, you just poop faster. Since I felt the vomit coming, I pushed then with my pants around my ankles, turned around and threw up on my poop. Very satisfyingly disgusting. So now you know what to do if you are ever caught in this predicament. Push.
The next day was hell. I threw up stomach acid four times and all I did was sleep, watch tv, and throw up until I had to go home to be at work Monday at 8. Oh Dayton my Dayton.

So that was this past wknd, anywho, I hope you are all safe and happy with whatever you are doing wherever you are doing it, Im glad that we keep this up, it's nice.

I have to poop...
JH

wonders of the world

i would first like to point out that i love the 421houseboard blog for a reason that might not seem so good at first...i forgot about it. Now while at first you might think...well fuck thats not cool...but it always seems to come back to me when i am in most need of entertainment. the many previous posts have left me chuckling to myself at work, no doubt bringing looks of confusion from my fellow colleagues. i enjoy it greatly

second... the 5 mother sauces are hollandaise, tomatoe, bechamel, espagnole, and veloute.

third... jersey sucks

fourth...somebody win the fucking lottery so we can all quit our respective jobs and start the commune

fifth...i hate it when food establishments put french fries in plastic to go containers...not only is it bad for the environment, but they also get soggy and unenjoyable

ravi...i will cook for you if you pay me...however i am not cheap

eighth...i miss smash

ninth...faaaaaaattttttttaaaaasssssssssssssssssss...you pokeballed of the screen...link wins!!

i now must return to work

keep on ragin on

Epiphapaloooooza!

Season's Greetings! Now I only start out that way to prove a point. Being politically correct has gone too far. I mean if you do not know a person's belief set on religious and or not so religious holidays ( huh hum christmas.......modern day christmas of course. i'm not afraid to go there) atleast take a guess. It's fun (as is most forms of publically making an ass out of yoursef) and hey maybe you'll get one right. Now if I did such a thing at work that would not be acceptable. Which brings me to the point of this rant, which is of course a mix of humor, shame, and of course stupidity. One of the girls I work with got suspended for making a joke referencing Aunt Jemima. Said joke failed to offend any of our african american employees yet was reported to ye supervisor by a white women. Now I'm not one to say that racist jokes are by any means neccessarily okay or "acceptable", but come on. You've laughed at worse. And now I really want to hear the joke because I bet it was funny. But no one will repeat it because they don't have the girth and fear of suspension has entered their head. Lame.

Now the real reason for this post. I had the most beautiful idea today. I am going to make a home brew....something along the lines of a maple stout. Now the beauty is that instead of using maple syrup to give it the robust yet subtle tones of sweet maple (and maybe some honey oats?? suggestions welcome) I am going to use maple sap! Simple, not overpowering, and most importantly all natural. Minus the river catching fire. Yes Geoff, it was a long time ago. For some reason though it is hard to get a picture of a a river on fire out of your head. Anyways, be on the look out for Al Gore. Nobody has heard from him lately and I think he might be looking for manbearpig again. Super cereal. RAGE on

I didn't intend to post today but after reading so many great posts I decided that:
A. It would be cliche not to
B. It was like diamonds
C. I love you all
D. Thats my side boob
E. The only thing that has recently given me as much satisfaction as reading this blog is watching the movie Helvetica, which is a movie about a font. Need I say more. Its fucking awesome. The best part is when this German dude says: "I like spontaneity. Yeah, I'm German, I can't be late." Maybe thats not the best part but its pretty funny.
F. Sex and Gin and House- three things that I have encountered way more in training than I expected
G. I can't believe how much I hear Akon
H. And seriously why is he so fascinated with the reverb function, there are production tools
I. But Akon is pretty good
J. I mean even if I don't want to admit it he's talented
K. And did you guys know he was an orignal member of the Fugees but then went to jail.
L. Crazy
M. I started reading The Magic Mountain the other day which incidentally is about tuberculosis and psychoanlysis, which interestingly enough I've been reading a lot about lately.
N. Oh you know what else gives me a warm feeling inside. Listening to the Jayhawks.
O. If this house board isn't still raging (in all senses of the word) when we're 69 I'll be severely disappointed.
P. And if I live to be 69 I hope to celebrate with a little bit of 69 on February 10th 2056.
Q. Steve-O, quick culinary quiz. What are the 5 mother sauces?
R. All of the above.

R.

Now I must counterfeit my name, which I do. Where? There. (10 bonus points if you get this reference).

A Coming Out Party...

While I have been following the house board lately (has everyone done their dishes?) I have been unable to post as I had forgotten my password. I have recently fixed that, and am now coming out from beneath my social networking rock.

First, I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving, wherever it may have been held.

Secondly, Ravi, the river caught fire over 30 years ago. Can't we leave the past in the past. Besides, the bottles of Edmund Fitzgerald assure us that if we were to take a swig of Lake Erie, it won't taste smoky, robust, dark, and bittersweet.

Thirdly, last week I manged a rare sighting of the elusive creature known as a New Yorker. I believe the more scientific term is Steve-O. I really enjoyed the visit and I still love you even though you're completely weak in drinking games now. I really like your new wheels and I think it sucks that someone already keyed it. But you live in New York. I think it would have been cliche not to.

Fourthly, I have run out of things to type, and will take my leave to enjoy some lunch and football.

Peace out homes

Words That End in "omments" and Carrying the Wikipedia Torch

First, I want to start off this month's post by pointing out that none of us has found any regular pattern to how or when we post on this blog. I am not surprised. I do not hope or expect any regularity to emerge. Thus is the space cadet.

Second, I will dispense with starting the rest of my paragraphs with enumerations.

You should all note that I have discovered a novel (to me, at least) and fun (again, to me, at least) facet to blogging: the comment. You may note that I have laid some comments out there (on this very blog, among others), but mine have not been very exciting. They're also only sometimes poignant and almost always bland.

Here I am describing our blogging behaviors. Leave it to me to take the self-critical/reflective/transcendental(?) perspective.

Dear Wilco fans,

I was recently excitedly carrying on the wonderful and traditional space cadet pastime of Wikipedia perusal. My starting topic was Radiohead. I was compelled to start there, because I've listened to them a lot lately and feel that I know little of their history or influences. Immediately, I clicked away from their page to one on Krautrock. I mean, you see Krautrock in a blue font and it's like diamonds - you pretty much have to click on it to read more about it. The Krautrock page immediately fascinated me and then, just when I least expected it, I laid eyes on a reference to Wilco and Jeff Tweedy. Apparently, Mr. Tweedy cites Krautrock or something like it as an influence of his. No other Wikipedia discovery could have eclipsed this one in the level of satisfaction that it brought me today, so I stopped there and started looking for someone to tell about it.

Since I would like to uphold some sort of academic standard and in lieu of a footnote or parenthetical documentation, I give a link to Wikipedia. This is of course valid, because Wikipedia contains only cited, cross-referenced, cold, hard facts, and is certainly something that many would consider only a small notch down in legitimacy from a peer-reviewed academic journal. Who reads those anyway?

Jeff Tweedy's connection to this whole mess of a blog post

You will have to read/scroll down at least as far as the "Influence on later generations" segment to find the topic I am citing.

Please excuse me now. I am in the old Roesch, and some inconsiderate exchange students are currently unabashedly mocking the most essential of library etiquette: they're talking very loudly in a language I don't understand to friends that they seemed to have not seen in a long time who have gathered right behind my chair. Wow. Get a room. Or go back to your country. (White power.)