My mom thought I was really into pewter for a while

All you attendees of Shakamak 3, Ukraine has what we were looking for. There is a single word that means “drinking-horn.” This word is “ріг” which can be roughly transliterated as “rih.” Unfortunately, I have not seen one of these or had reason to use this word. There’s another word, though, самагон (samahone), meaning “moonshine,” which is surprisingly useful. Many families make their own hard liquor, but probably just because it’s something they like doing and not because it’s that much cheaper. Well, I suppose it could be cheaper, but it’s hard to beat $3 a handle. (The low price is a combination of the saturated market and the falling value of the hyrvinia, colloquially called “greev.” When I got here, the exchange rate was about 5 greevs to 1 dollar. Today I saw that dollars are being purchased for 8.6 greevs. Yo my yo, inflatsia.)

In response to Ravi’s query: olives may be added to the list of vanquished foods. I got in the habit of eating an olive after taking a shot and now I like them.

Two similarly stupid things I’ve done in Ukraine: I put a glass jar of honey in my soft-sided suitcase for my flight from New York to Kyiv. I don’t know why I did this, but of course it broke and covered everything in the duffle bag, making all my clothes and my boots very sticky. That was eleven weeks ago. Last week I put a hard-boiled egg in my pocket—you can probably see where this is going—in excitement or frustration, I clapped my arms against my sides. As it turns out, the egg was only soft-boiled, so now my sweater has a very eggy pocket that will stay that way until I find the time to wash it by hand as I do all my clothes.

As a small gift, our technical instructor, basically the person who taught us how to become English teachers in Ukraine, Olena, gave us a list that she herself had compiled of 88 Ukrainian and Russian swear words/words about sex, which happens to be the same, секс. This list makes me feel like English might really need to step it up. For instance, three different words are translated as “fucking good” or “very fucking good.” Russian has captured these emotions and slightly nuanced variations with simply one word each. I am sure there are subtleties that cannot be translated. Just like German has so many words about consciousness and thought that don’t translated into English, so is Russian with curses. Something to strive for. The words: мастурбувати – (mahstoorboovaty) to masturbate, бльін – (blene) pancake, literally, but it’s used like “fudge” because, блядь – (blaht) means bitch, Закрій єбало – (zuhkree yebahlo) shut the fuck up, and finally, my absolute favorite, пиздец – (pizzdets) translated as “a cunty situation.”

Finally, in case you are looking for some new music to listen to or are concerned that the children of Ukriane might not be getting a clear picture of the ever-changing American music scene, I have this paragraph from their textbook as evidence to the contrary:

“Among the most famous American singers and bands we can find: Miles Davis, the Doors, Bob Dylan, the Everly Brothers, the Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Holly, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Janis Joplin, Jerry Lee Lewis, Madonna, Bob Marley, Elvis Presley, Prince, R.E.M., Tom Waits, Stevie Wonder, Will Smith, Enrique Iglesias, Barbara Streizand, Red Hot Chilly Peppers, Nirvana, Ricky Martin, Kiss, Motor Head, Savage Garden, Sheryl Crow, Tina Turner, Tony Braxton, Tori Amos, Britney Spears, Eminem, Mariah Carey, No Doubt, Backstreet Boys, Metallica, etc.”

Finally, I can't keep up with this blog. You are all too clever and post too frequently for me. Don't change.

Your moment of zen: